American psychologist Nathaniel Branden once shared a real-life case from his practice.
Many years ago, a 24-year-old woman named Loreth came across one of his books by chance and decided to seek psychological counseling. Loreth had an angelic face, but she could also be extremely vulgar and aggressive when she spoke. She had once been involved in drug use and prostitution.
Branden admitted that many of her behaviors made him uncomfortable, yet he also felt drawn to her—not only because of her beauty, but because he believed that beneath her “fallen” appearance, she was actually a remarkable person.
At first, he used hypnosis to help her recall her early teenage years. She had been intelligent, but she was afraid to express herself, worrying that others would become jealous. She was even stronger in sports than boys, which led to ridicule from others, and even her brother resented her.
He guided her through psychological exercises, and she once wrote while crying:
“You trust me. You don’t see me as a bad person. You make me feel pain, but also hope. You brought me into real life. I hate you!”
A year and a half later, Loreth was admitted to the University of Los Angeles to study writing. A few years later, she became a journalist and got married.
Ten years later, Branden met her again on the street and could hardly recognize her. She was elegantly dressed, calm, confident, and full of vitality, with no trace of her past trauma.
After exchanging greetings, she said:
“You were the person who did not treat me as a bad person. You saw me as someone special, and you helped me see that too. I hated you back then. But accepting who I am—truly accepting who I am—was something I had never experienced in my life. People often say it is hard to accept your flaws, but in fact, it is even harder to accept your virtues.”
Letting Go of Perfection Is the First Step to Growth
To truly face success, you must give up perfectionism. Do not chase perfection, because human beings are not perfect. This is a comforting truth.
The sooner we accept it, the sooner we can move toward new goals. This is the true meaning of life.
Without self-acceptance and self-affirmation, how can we improve or grow?
Stand in front of a mirror and observe your face and body. You may like some parts and dislike others. Some features may make you feel uncomfortable. But when you see what you dislike, do not avoid it, reject it, or deny it.
At this moment, you need to give up perfectionism and stop using society’s “standard model” to judge yourself. Instead, use your own standard. Otherwise, true self-acceptance and self-confidence will never be possible.
French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau once said:
“Nature shaped me, and then broke the mold.”
Many people refuse to accept themselves once the “mold” is gone, so they try to rebuild themselves using society’s ideal standards. As a result, they become increasingly similar to others and lose their individuality.
The famous motto “Be yourself” is easy to understand but difficult to practice for this very reason.
If you lose your self-awareness and individuality, how can you talk about improvement or growth?
How to Practice Self-Acceptance
So what should we do?
Look at yourself in the mirror with your own eyes and try to say:
“I accept myself unconditionally, including all my flaws. I will try to like who I am.”
You may wonder: If I dislike certain parts of myself, why should I accept them unconditionally?
Acceptance means acknowledging reality. It means recognizing that the face and body in the mirror are yours.
When you accept reality, you will feel lighter, more authentic, and more comfortable.
Gradually, you will understand the connection between self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-love. Only by learning to accept yourself can you begin to build a truly independent and healthy mind.