Grow with Grace. Live with Purpose.

Humor Quotes

“Well, there are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.”

“This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.”

“Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?”

“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”

“I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.”

“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.”

“I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.”

“Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.”

“What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.”

“It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right.”

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